i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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