guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
