I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
