I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
