Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
