C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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