And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
