Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
