Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize