I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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