and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
