He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
