Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
