Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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