She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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