it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
