Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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