To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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