I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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