Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
