so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
