Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
