Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
