PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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