You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
