Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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