first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
