I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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