Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?

(405): View more from Oklahoma

or abortion recommendation cards.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

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(310): View more from California

what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?

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(647): View more from Ontario

we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.

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(509): View more from Washington

I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?

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(817): View more from Texas

He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.

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(904): View more from Florida

My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up

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