Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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