o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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