sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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