i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
