remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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