What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
