Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Panties = found
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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