LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
