Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize