i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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