You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have aggressive nipples.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
