Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
