im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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