the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
