Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
