I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
