if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
