have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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