Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
