I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
