He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
