We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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