When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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