i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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