The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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