Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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