We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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