what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
