I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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