Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
whose ass print is on the piano?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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