If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
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