What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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