she woke up with a sticky ear
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
