I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
